Introduction
Negotiating with a bully is never easy. President Trump has been in office just over a month and already, many of us a reeling from the dizzying array of changes and pronouncements emanating from the Oval Office. Here in Canada politicians and citizens alike have expressed concern over the proposed 25% tariff. That was followed by fear and apprehension over the President’s suggestion that the U.S. should annex Canada.
While many are alarmed by the American President’s behaviour, those who have experience in industrial relations or other forms of negotiation see this as part of a management strategy that is clever, deliberate, and intentionally designed to secure a pre-determined outcome. Bullying is really a tactic to secure a specific objective without regard to the collateral damage that the bullying make invite.
Bullying vs. Abrasive Behaviour
A while back I wrote a blog outlining the characteristics and behaviour of someone who exhibits an abrasive personality.
https://competitiveedgecoaching.com/dealing-with-abrasive-personalities/
Some may ask whether an abrasive behaviour and a bully are really the same thing. I would submit that while there are similarities there are also important differences. An abrasive personality is often exhibited by someone who aspires to a more senior role, but hasn’t quite reached that pinnacle yet. Persons with abrasive personalities are often individual contributors. Many suffer from a poor self-image, a perfectionist orientation, and a lack of empathy. A bully however, usually has an exaggerated view of their own self-worth. Most lack empathy, and truth is, they have few friends, and often see others as merely pawns and a means to an end. Bullies intimidate those around them, and inspire loyalty by coercion, not persuasion, and their ability to control the outcome of events.
Bully Negotiating Tactics
1) Use of extreme emotions. You only have to watch a Trump MAGA rally to observe the full spectrum of emotions that are on display. There is everything from remorse and disappointment through to anger, elation and nationalistic fervour. Bully negotiators will use an array of emotions intended to confuse their opponents and heighten anxiety.
2) Flooding the zone. The first few weeks of the Trump Presidency has seen an avalanche of executive orders, directives and appeals. A sweeping mountain of changes and orders have been launched, including everything from sweeping budget cutbacks to tariffs on trading partners, through to renaming the Gulf of Mexico. These demands are launched quickly and in rapid succession, and the purpose is to confuse opponents and distract their focus. The expectation is that the opponent will agree to what is demanded simply as a means of lessening the demands or reducing tensions.
3) Unfocused. A bully negotiator will hit their opponent with multiple and seemingly conflicting expectations. This technique is often called “shifting the goalposts”. Many will appear logical, but several will seem unrelated or odd. That is because a bully negotiator wants many different things from their opponent. Emotion, not reason, guides their behaviour.
4) Incessant noise and constant distractions. Bully negotiators are loud, and their demands, like their personalities, dominate the room. They are often angry, overly opinionated, don’t follow convention, and are invariably rude.
5) Use of profanity. To embellish their points, a bully negotiator will often resort to crude and vulgar language to underscore their demands. The use of profanity is intended to alarm their opponents, reinforce the criticality of their message, and demonstrate brute strength and force.
6) Threats and intimidation. Bully negotiators are not interested in maintaining the relationship. Their sole objective is winning at any cost. They don’t care about their opponents, and respect and empathy are not part of their makeup. They will threaten, intimidate and ridicule in order to get what they want.
7) Physically imposing. Bully negotiators will often use their physical presence to reinforce the appearance of strength and determination. If they are tall or obese they will try to cower opponents who perhaps aren’t of equivalent physical stature. One tactic that is frequently used is to crowd an opponent’s personal space. Not only can this be off-putting and overbearing, but it is a deliberate attempt to demonstrate that there is nowhere an opponent can go to avoid them.
Dealing with a bully negotiator isn’t easy, and requires focus, patience and strategic awareness of your end goals (Photo courtesy of Pexels and RDNE Project)
Reacting to Bully Tactics
1) Remain focused. The primary objective of a bully negotiator is to throw their opponent off their focus. The more you can resist referencing minor or unrelated matters the less successful a bully negotiator will be.
2) Stay calm. The whole premise of a bully negotiator is to unnerve their opponent. They do this by creating noise and lots of it. The less you buy-in to their approach the more unsuccessful a bully negotiator becomes.
3) Repeat, rinse, repeat. The simple repetition of your key bargaining point is essential in order to unsettle a bully negotiator. It also helps maintain focus. This is often referred to as “the broken record technique”. For those of us old enough to remember record players, a broken record, or a worn needle, would sometimes result in the record spinning endlessly on the turntable, leading to the same lyric playing over and over again.
4) Use logic and facts. Bully negotiators like to use emotions and distractions to unsettle their opponents. Restating your key demands or message with use of facts in a calm and reasoned manner helps frame your message while giving it weight and substance.
5) Call it out for what it is. Call out bully tactics for what they are. Phrases like “Can you please refrain from using bullying in our discussion” can unsettle a bully negotiator. It also tells them that you are aware of the techniques they are deploying.
6) Bargain from a position of strength. Knowing your key demands, and repeating it frequently while outwardly maintaining your composure, can help galvanize your position.
7) Don’t Pander. Trying to placate a bully never works. The recent trip to Washington by several Canadian provincial premiers hoping to meet with the President and his officials only resulted in discussions with low-level functionaries. This venture was as embarrassing to watch as it must have been to experience first-hand. Rather than go begging for tariff exemptions, it would have been more useful seeking out new trade markets for Canadian products.
8) Don’t Give them an Audience. Bullies love an audience. They love to be the centre of attention. Pandering to their egos plays into their desire for attention. The trip by the Prime Minister and members of his Cabinet to Mar-a-Lago prior to President Trump’s inauguration, while well-intentioned, was really nothing more than a photo op, and only served to enable Trump’s bullying behaviour.
9) Use backdoor diplomacy. Dealing directly with a bully negotiator can be time-consuming and distracting. If there are members of the other party’s negotiating team who appear more reasonable and balanced you may try reaching out to them directly through backdoor channels to ensure your message is appropriately received. This country has a number of former politicians who now serve on the boards of numerous banks, businesses and financial institutions. Why the government hasn’t leveraged these people, and used them to connect and influence officials in the Trump administration, is a mystery.
A Final Thought….
One of the problems with bully negotiators is that they have a style that wears very thin, very fast. Evidence is already emerging early in the second term of the 47th President that suggests that both Americans and their allies are growing weary of the rhetoric, bravado and incessant drama that is emerging from the White House. High drama may make for good television, but it doesn’t make for efficient government.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ford-ceo-trump-musk-tariff-ev-ira_n_67aca33ae4b0239406de983a
https://financialpost.com/feature/how-canadians-can-profit-from-donald-trump-trade-war
In their personal and professional lives people are seeking stability, calm and reason. People need certainty in order to plan. Businesses need consistency and continuity in order to forecast and expand. And governments need peace and stability in order to conduct their administrations.
Trump came into office promising to right the wrongs of previous administrations. He vowed to bargain from a position of strength, and secure better deals. But strength is not bullying, and bullying as a negotiating tactic often results in irreparable damage to relationships. Sadly, I suspect the legacy of the second Trump administration may well be that it results in the isolation of the United States by what were once former, dependable allies, and an unwillingness to countenance the quixotic and unpredictable nature of American leadership.