Introduction
“Stop kissing frogs”.
That phrase emerged a while back as a graphic reminder for people to have the courage to walk away from ideas, actions, relationships, people or situations that are toxic or unproductive. In the context of romantic relationships it implies that one may have to search long and hard for the right partner, and in the process, go out on dates with persons who may not be well-suited. The inference is that eventually you will find the right one. This adage could probably be applied to business situations too!
I was reminded of the salience of this remark recently in the context of my own personal career journey. When I left the corporate world in 2015 I was at a crossroads. At age 61 I felt I still had several productive work years ahead of me. The prospect of staying home, doing nothing, or playing golf, wasn’t appealing. In the back of my mind I knew I wanted to become a Career and Executive Coach, and I harboured an idea about starting my own business and maybe even teaching.
Fast forward nine years and all of those goals are now a reality. Along the way I took a number of training courses, spent countless hours in volunteer work, attended multiple business networking events, hosted trade shows to promote my coaching practice, and followed up on countless leads and prospects. I estimate I’ve probably taught around 1,500 students, coached well over 300 clients, and spent a lot of money on training courses, seminars and certification programs.
Was it all worth it? I’d like to think so. Did everything I undertook pay off? Definitely not. The advantage of hindsight is that it is not only 20/20, but it also presupposes there is a utopian world devoid of errors and missteps.
So, how do you know when it’s time to face reality, throw in the towel, and “stop kissing frogs”?
Like kissing frogs, how long do you continue doing something out of habit, tradition or the expectation of a positive result? (Photo courtesy of Pixabay and Pexels)
A Few Thoughts from the Trenches
Whenever one starts out in their career, or in a new business, they spend a lot of time forming connections and participating in events. Often, it is hard to discern what is worthwhile from something that is a waste of time. But how do you know when hanging in or hanging on makes sense?
Here are some ideas:
1) Do a benefit cost analysis. Sometimes, you have to be ruthless and mercenary. Participating in a networking event, or performing a particular activity, is necessary if the rewards are greater than the costs or the risks. However, if the activity costs more than it provides, and the disparity lasts for more than six months, it’s likely a signal to take stock and re-evaluate the situation.
2) Ask yourself if you really enjoy it. We all have things we have to do that are basic requirements. Sometimes, we have no choice. However, if there are things we are doing that are ritualistic, or which don’t yield results, then it begs the question: what is the point?
3) Your emotional and psychological well-being is important. If you are doing something and either the activity or the people you are doing it with or for are toxic or unappealing, the toll on your mental or physical health can be diminishing. Doing something on the pretext that it may yield results later may not be the healthiest or most balanced approach
4) What else could you be doing? Opportunity cost is the sacrificed gain from taking time to do something else. If you feel you would rather be doing something else, and the benefit isn’t immediately realizable, then maybe it isn’t worth continuing.
A Personal Experience
When I first started my coaching practice I literally jumped at every available opportunity to make a networking connection, co-partner or participate in joint ventures. As I contemplate retirement in the next couple of years I’ve recognized the need to uncouple from several of these associations. Some have been moribund for years, while others have offered only modest value or benefit. The thought of simplifying my life suddenly has an appeal and excitement that I didn’t think was possible when I first started my practice. Saying “no”, or even balking at an opportunity that is presented, provides a certain power and control which I actually relish.
Having associations for the sake of having an association is never a good plan. Similarly, doing something without ever taking stock to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages, just doesn’t make sense. We take this approach when analyzing our financial investments, but oddly, we seem reluctant to apply the same technique when evaluating our working relationships.
A Final Thought…
For me, what is increasingly a priority in my life is time. Simply, there isn’t enough of it, and there isn’t more of it that I can acquire. That necessitates making some hard choices and opting to continue some things while discarding others.
Is this process easy? No. Often, making choices is difficult. However, for me, re-capturing time for myself, and using it to re-define what I do, what I enjoy, and who I am, can be energizing.